I don't have an occupation. Only a
preoccupation.
Don't worry about me. I'm embarrassment proof.
If I could be anybody in the world........I'd be me.
It's amazing how productive nose picking can really be.
My inspiration gland is not working this week. Damn.
Ok, I've cleaned the kitchen, done the laundry and emptied the garbage! Can I get back to work now?
There's a good reason I am a writer. I'm completely useless at anything else.
My children were quite surprised to discover I could write. I was surprised they could actually read.
I think I've nearly perfected the art of idiocy.
I am certainly not a formula writer. Don't have the concentration.
I suffer fools badly. Makes it difficult to live with myself.
There was an awkward silence after my wife finished reading my new book.
Inn myy neckst book I'mi gonna concintrate on my speelingg!
I had a headache for a while, then I gave it to my wife.
Is sex a noun or a verb?
Suburban houses in suburban streets in suburban suburbs are built around their occupant’s secrets.
Nudity. We all have plenty of it.
To return to my point. (I do wander from my point on occasions. I apologise for any inconvenience.)
I don’t like Wednesdays.
I feel much better. It is not Wednesday.
I am not so keen on raw sausages any more.
Where does navel fluff come from? And how can it be blue when I am wearing a white shirt?
I am working on the premise that I only get one chance at being seditious, so I will make it worthwhile!
Q. Are you confused?
A. Only by you. I think.
The pages of this book have been a rampage.
Oh smurtleclop of perlup be.
Suck me dry, Make me die,
Take my heart, I won’t cry, Life you Bitch!
The passage of life, as it blunders along.
Everybody’s happy, I’m everybody’s clown.
It was just after lunch, That I had a hunch, To risk my whole life in one day.
Credit my account with your friendship, and I will return your change with a smile.
Love frees the heart of a lonely life.
And hope for a life in my torment’s wake.
I vandalise words.
Hello World! What a real bastard you have turned out to be!
It really was quite unsociable of Douglas Adams to leave planet Earth in 2001.
Please stop reading IMMEDIATELY if you start to feel a little faint and seek urgent medical attention.
What's this life thing then?
Have you ever noticed that you just can't go to a doctor once?
My thoughts are in technicolor, but my words come out in black and white.
I'm as crazy as a mad woman's lunch box.
One thing remains pure and true. My first and continuing crush on Morticia Addams.
Women only want what they don't have. Men want what they can't have.
Pull up a chair and have a think!
Don't worry about me. I'm embarrassment proof.
If I could be anybody in the world........I'd be me.
It's amazing how productive nose picking can really be.
My inspiration gland is not working this week. Damn.
Ok, I've cleaned the kitchen, done the laundry and emptied the garbage! Can I get back to work now?
There's a good reason I am a writer. I'm completely useless at anything else.
My children were quite surprised to discover I could write. I was surprised they could actually read.
I think I've nearly perfected the art of idiocy.
I am certainly not a formula writer. Don't have the concentration.
I suffer fools badly. Makes it difficult to live with myself.
There was an awkward silence after my wife finished reading my new book.
Inn myy neckst book I'mi gonna concintrate on my speelingg!
I had a headache for a while, then I gave it to my wife.
Is sex a noun or a verb?
Suburban houses in suburban streets in suburban suburbs are built around their occupant’s secrets.
Nudity. We all have plenty of it.
To return to my point. (I do wander from my point on occasions. I apologise for any inconvenience.)
I don’t like Wednesdays.
I feel much better. It is not Wednesday.
I am not so keen on raw sausages any more.
Where does navel fluff come from? And how can it be blue when I am wearing a white shirt?
I am working on the premise that I only get one chance at being seditious, so I will make it worthwhile!
Q. Are you confused?
A. Only by you. I think.
The pages of this book have been a rampage.
Oh smurtleclop of perlup be.
Suck me dry, Make me die,
Take my heart, I won’t cry, Life you Bitch!
The passage of life, as it blunders along.
Everybody’s happy, I’m everybody’s clown.
It was just after lunch, That I had a hunch, To risk my whole life in one day.
Credit my account with your friendship, and I will return your change with a smile.
Love frees the heart of a lonely life.
And hope for a life in my torment’s wake.
I vandalise words.
Hello World! What a real bastard you have turned out to be!
It really was quite unsociable of Douglas Adams to leave planet Earth in 2001.
Please stop reading IMMEDIATELY if you start to feel a little faint and seek urgent medical attention.
What's this life thing then?
Have you ever noticed that you just can't go to a doctor once?
My thoughts are in technicolor, but my words come out in black and white.
I'm as crazy as a mad woman's lunch box.
One thing remains pure and true. My first and continuing crush on Morticia Addams.
Women only want what they don't have. Men want what they can't have.
Pull up a chair and have a think!
Please
respect creator’s rights in using words or music from this
site.
All words, music and lyrics written and or recorded by Derek
Haines. © 1996 -2009.
Commercial use prohibited without permission.
