It is nearly ten years since I wrote and recorded this song No Smile, Big Tits and it has achieved some level of notoriety. For completely the wrong reasons though I might add.

When I sat down at my kitchen table in Jerusalem in 2001 during the second Intifada, completely aghast at the horrors humans can inflict on each other, a thought came to my mind. Quite simply, the suffering of women during armed conflict. I wanted to protest. But how could one voice be heard? Hence, this song.

The song is about the beauty of the women of Israel and Palestine and their courage in the face of adversity, violence and fear. I deliberately chose the word ‘tits’, as it is a vulgarity as is war, and it contrasted with the beauty of the image of a woman’s caring smile. It was also for me a clear reference to motherhood.

The song and video have now been downloaded over 30,000 times, but alas, probably for the wrong reasons and inducing massive disappointment for some. The demographic of 12 to 15 year old boys searching for sexual gratification by using the search keyword ‘tits’ has caused the problem. These poor young lads have been responsible for nearly half the downloads.

Oh well, I suppose any publicity is good publicity. Even if YouTube have put a age warning on the video!

If you are interested, you can listen to the song here, or watch the video here.

It is also available on iTunes, but Apple have decided to re-title the song No Smile, Big T**s.

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Before you read any further, be warned that this is about a once in a life time, or two event. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is dramatic, traumatic and involves antiseptic.
Scene set.

I had a long arranged appointment today with my dermatologist today. On my last visit in October, he had noticed three suspicious looking little brown spots that he insisted needed surgically removing. Not that it matters to you, but they were on my inner forearm, thigh and neck. Yes, nice tender zones for his scalpel. However this is not the topic of this tale. During my visit in October, I had pleaded with him on my wife’s behalf for an appointment for her. His receptionist had told me he was totally booked out and was not taking any new patients.

When I discussed this with him, he confirmed that indeed he was not taking any new patients. Full stop. Sorry, but no. Until we drifted onto the topic of music as one does in a doctor’s surgery. To cut this story short, he agreed to take my wife for an appointment in January 2010, if I supplied him with one of my CDs. Well, deal done!

So today was the day for my dreaded surgery. As promised, I arrived with a copy of one of my CDs. It was acoustic blues by the way. His nurse escorted me into his surgery and duly asked me to undress and prepare to be cut wide open. As I took off my coat, I took out the CD and left it on a bench close to my doctor’s surgical instruments of impending pain and suffering. A lot like my music in fact.

So there I am, lying in a very close to naked state on his operating table. He walks in, smiles, says hello, and I pointed to my CD that I had delivered as promised in exchange for my wife’s impossible to get appointment. He immediately grabbed the CD, checked the liner notes and track listing and promptly replaced the classical CD that was playing with my own CD. “Oh great, I love blues.” he said.

Now I ask you to imagine being cut open to the sound of your own voice that is destroying the pentatonic scale. My doctor had administered the local anesthetic to three separate areas of my body, but unfortunately he didn’t include my ears. After cutting, removing and stitching the first two suspicious looking brown nodes, it was time for a pause while I was turned over and prepared for a little cutting on the back of my neck.

Ten minutes later, the doctor returned after his nurse had prepared me for the last slice of the day. He passed me and went straight to the CD player and checked the track listing again. You know, I have never operated on a patient while listening to his music. Now, the challenge is to see if I can finish with you before your CD finishes. I’m sure I will.?” he said with great confidence.

I was just hoping there were a few songs left so he didn’t have to rush.

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