Rotten Apples
I know everyone in the world has an opinion about the Apple iPhone 4 now. There is no place to hide from the daily scribblings of attention seeking journalists and bloggers. Added to this cacophony of words are incessant mentions on all the social networking sites plus local newspapers and talk back radio. Even television is no escape as every character in every program is using an iPhone. The only real escape is to watch 60s repeats.
Now if you read and listen to all this exposure, propaganda, marketing and twiddle twaddle you will know two things. One is that the Apple iPhone 4 is exceptionally cool and if you don’t have one you are sub-human and will be ostracised from the human race and deported to a far off planet on the next twenty light year flight. Number two is that it doesn’t work.
One would think that this last piece of knowledge would dissuade even the most ardent iPhone devotee from buying this version. Common sense would scream that a wait of a few months would be wise. The threat of being deported to a far off Appleless planet will not affect you just because you want to wait a little while until the damn thing can make telephone calls. Even worse is that you will have to order one and wait an incredibly long time to actually get one of these not-working-as-it-should iPhones.
But no. The threat of being labeled as uncool because one only possess an out of fashion iPhone 3GS and haven’t been given a free bumper case will drive everyone to their local iPhone provider and plead for their lives and reputations for an ‘Antennagate’ iPhone 4.
What a crazy world we now live in.
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Now if you read and listen to all this exposure, propaganda, marketing and twiddle twaddle you will know two things. One is that the Apple iPhone 4 is exceptionally cool and if you don’t have one you are sub-human and will be ostracised from the human race and deported to a far off planet on the next twenty light year flight. Number two is that it doesn’t work.
One would think that this last piece of knowledge would dissuade even the most ardent iPhone devotee from buying this version. Common sense would scream that a wait of a few months would be wise. The threat of being deported to a far off Appleless planet will not affect you just because you want to wait a little while until the damn thing can make telephone calls. Even worse is that you will have to order one and wait an incredibly long time to actually get one of these not-working-as-it-should iPhones.
But no. The threat of being labeled as uncool because one only possess an out of fashion iPhone 3GS and haven’t been given a free bumper case will drive everyone to their local iPhone provider and plead for their lives and reputations for an ‘Antennagate’ iPhone 4.
What a crazy world we now live in.
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Comments
iPhone 4 Insanity Hits Small Village
During a short trip to my local shopping centre this morning, I witnessed first hand the frenzy that is Apple iPhone 4 insanity.
Now as some of you may know, I live in a small village on the quiet shores of Lake Geneva and our excitement usually comes in the form of hearing the sound of cow bells in the morning. But not today. A queue had formed by early morning leading to the now guarded doors of our local Swisscom shop. The length of the queue defied our last census, as I am sure there were more people in the queue than actually live here.
I would have liked to publish a real photo of the event, but the number of people indicated to me that many must have taken a day off work to join the maddeningly long wait and I didn’t want to incriminate them with their bosses who were probably under the impression that they were all at aunty Trudi’s funeral in Geneva.
Having heard all the stories about ‘antennagate’ and all number of frightening rumours about the iPhone 4, it seems no one has been deterred. It doesn’t seem to matter if it actually works or not. It’s a new iPhone, so therefore it is a must have for everyone in our village.
Even though I am a self confessed Apple addict, I will wait a while. I don’t like queues all that much. And as it takes thirty minutes to say hello, and another thirty to say goodbye in our area, this morning’s queue could take months to be cordially processed.
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Now as some of you may know, I live in a small village on the quiet shores of Lake Geneva and our excitement usually comes in the form of hearing the sound of cow bells in the morning. But not today. A queue had formed by early morning leading to the now guarded doors of our local Swisscom shop. The length of the queue defied our last census, as I am sure there were more people in the queue than actually live here.
I would have liked to publish a real photo of the event, but the number of people indicated to me that many must have taken a day off work to join the maddeningly long wait and I didn’t want to incriminate them with their bosses who were probably under the impression that they were all at aunty Trudi’s funeral in Geneva.
Having heard all the stories about ‘antennagate’ and all number of frightening rumours about the iPhone 4, it seems no one has been deterred. It doesn’t seem to matter if it actually works or not. It’s a new iPhone, so therefore it is a must have for everyone in our village.
Even though I am a self confessed Apple addict, I will wait a while. I don’t like queues all that much. And as it takes thirty minutes to say hello, and another thirty to say goodbye in our area, this morning’s queue could take months to be cordially processed.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Microsoft Follows Apple’s Fruit Lead
Wed, Jun 30 2010 06:00
| image, technology, marketing, microsoft, apple
It seems Microsoft are really in a spot of bother at present. Judging by this recent article, they are starting to understand a little about product popularity, corporate image and how to possibly avoid peeing off customers.
Mind boggling as it may seem, Microsoft now seem to have come to grips with the ‘it just works’ idea as opposed to their long standing belief that they were selling their products solely to motor mechanics and computer scientists who would happily tweak and repair all day long.
However the article doesn’t mention the closely guarded rumour that has been circulating my living room about a change of name for the once powerful Microsoft. But believe me the hunt is on at the highest levels to find a suitable fruit that will replace the now staid, mechanical, disliked, old fashioned, Vista infected name that was once a symbol of all that was megalomanic.
It is abundantly clear now that the tech world is fruit dominated, so the search started at the letter B. It also stopped at the letter B.
No sooner had the word BANANA hit the exec’s desk, it was accepted with relish as a natural. As common as an Apple. Sweeter, longer, easier to peel and with a whole lot more potassium. Who ever saw a mega-rich tennis player eating an Apple? No. They always eat bananas. Instant pool of high profile sponsorships and endorsement to be had by a canny, newly fruit named tech company.
It also had the appeal of being a staple food of monkeys. What better food could illustrate the tech product consumer. All lining up like monkeys to buy any new shiny gadget. Monkeys with money and an unending appetite for pretty little boxes with wires and stuff inside.
Plans are already afoot to open hundreds of Banana Stores around the world with plans to install airport like queuing systems to control the expected queues of monke.., err, customers.
Sadly though. In my efforts to verify my facts it became abundantly clear that there was a fatal flaw in the new rumoured grand plan. Banana don’t make pretty little boxes with wires and stuff inside. They make very ugly and totally invisible stuff that somehow gets loaded onto your computer and then goes about being incompatible with anything it meets.
Maybe Turnip would have been a better choice.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Mind boggling as it may seem, Microsoft now seem to have come to grips with the ‘it just works’ idea as opposed to their long standing belief that they were selling their products solely to motor mechanics and computer scientists who would happily tweak and repair all day long.
However the article doesn’t mention the closely guarded rumour that has been circulating my living room about a change of name for the once powerful Microsoft. But believe me the hunt is on at the highest levels to find a suitable fruit that will replace the now staid, mechanical, disliked, old fashioned, Vista infected name that was once a symbol of all that was megalomanic.
It is abundantly clear now that the tech world is fruit dominated, so the search started at the letter B. It also stopped at the letter B.
No sooner had the word BANANA hit the exec’s desk, it was accepted with relish as a natural. As common as an Apple. Sweeter, longer, easier to peel and with a whole lot more potassium. Who ever saw a mega-rich tennis player eating an Apple? No. They always eat bananas. Instant pool of high profile sponsorships and endorsement to be had by a canny, newly fruit named tech company.
It also had the appeal of being a staple food of monkeys. What better food could illustrate the tech product consumer. All lining up like monkeys to buy any new shiny gadget. Monkeys with money and an unending appetite for pretty little boxes with wires and stuff inside.
Plans are already afoot to open hundreds of Banana Stores around the world with plans to install airport like queuing systems to control the expected queues of monke.., err, customers.
Sadly though. In my efforts to verify my facts it became abundantly clear that there was a fatal flaw in the new rumoured grand plan. Banana don’t make pretty little boxes with wires and stuff inside. They make very ugly and totally invisible stuff that somehow gets loaded onto your computer and then goes about being incompatible with anything it meets.
Maybe Turnip would have been a better choice.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Suckered In. Again.
Fri, Jun 25 2010 06:00
| iPhone, steve jobs, addiction, apple
Steve Jobs has done it. Again. He has wilfully thrown my budgeting process into absolute chaos. No sooner have I finished shelling out for my must have iPad, he chucks a new iPhone into the swamp that are my finances.
There is a silver lining however. Not living in the US gives me a little more time to plan ahead for poverty in the name of Apple addiction. While our US friends have to join a queue almost immediately to satisfy the edict of he who is Steve, at least us non US folks have a little bit of time up our sleeves to at least wipe a month or two’s payments off of our Apple designated credit card before the latest Apple must have is available. (Not entering the cash debate here.)
While I know I really do not need video on my phone, and would probably hence never use video editing, and the practicality of Facetime only over wi-fi is really a non-event, and with my eyesight this new fangled retina display will serve no useful purpose for me, I know I just have to have a new iPhone 4G.
The reason is so simple. I have an iPhone and it is two years old. So I must now obey he who is Steve and make my regular donation to the new mega-monolithic-market-dominator. Just as I did in ancient times when I just had to shell out for Windows, Windows Me, Windows 95, Windows XP, Windows Windows every two years.
Apples, Windows, Whatever. It’s only money.
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There is a silver lining however. Not living in the US gives me a little more time to plan ahead for poverty in the name of Apple addiction. While our US friends have to join a queue almost immediately to satisfy the edict of he who is Steve, at least us non US folks have a little bit of time up our sleeves to at least wipe a month or two’s payments off of our Apple designated credit card before the latest Apple must have is available. (Not entering the cash debate here.)
While I know I really do not need video on my phone, and would probably hence never use video editing, and the practicality of Facetime only over wi-fi is really a non-event, and with my eyesight this new fangled retina display will serve no useful purpose for me, I know I just have to have a new iPhone 4G.
The reason is so simple. I have an iPhone and it is two years old. So I must now obey he who is Steve and make my regular donation to the new mega-monolithic-market-dominator. Just as I did in ancient times when I just had to shell out for Windows, Windows Me, Windows 95, Windows XP, Windows Windows every two years.
Apples, Windows, Whatever. It’s only money.
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Comments (4)
iPhone 4 Secret Hidden Feature
Mon, Jun 14 2010 08:00
| Hidden feature, technology, iPhone, steve jobs, apple
With the release of the Apple iPhone 4 and iOS4, Steve Jobs has once again convinced the entire planet that they now need this new wonder device in their daily lives.
And any wonder why. This little miracle gadget can not only record video in super duper HD quality, but it can also edit video as well. Imagine, a whole video editing suite in the palm of your hand. Combined with its forward and backward cameras this little baby will surely make everyone a film director. I just can’t wait for the 3D capable version.
Then there is the high resolution screen that is so bright that Apple may have to consider adding a health warning and advise users to wear sunglasses while using the device. A gyroscope has been fitted to the gizzards of the iPhone 4, so it will now have the ability to stand, balanced on one edge for eternity. Incredible.
Then there is Face Time. A truly wonderful idea so long as you have a friend with a new iPhone 4 too, and you can both can find a hi-speed wi-fi connection at the very same time. Very ‘Jetsons’ ? Well, sort of.
The biggest new feature without a doubt is that the new iPhone 4 will have iAd. A great new innovation that will bombard users with incredibly credible non-stop in your face advertising 24/7 live in ALL applications. A truly novel idea and an experience I will just be drooling for until I can get my hands on this little baby.
Oh yes. The secret hidden feature I promised in the title I hear you ask.
While it is unconfirmed, it is believed that the new iPhone 4 will have the capability to make AND receive telephone calls. Complete with automatic drop-out and a brand new feature called ‘No Service When You Absolutely Need It’ or NSWYANI as it has been so cleverly named in beta versions.
To access this hidden feature, look for an inconspicuous green app button hidden in the bottom left hand corner of your home screen. Then press it and hope.
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And any wonder why. This little miracle gadget can not only record video in super duper HD quality, but it can also edit video as well. Imagine, a whole video editing suite in the palm of your hand. Combined with its forward and backward cameras this little baby will surely make everyone a film director. I just can’t wait for the 3D capable version.
Then there is the high resolution screen that is so bright that Apple may have to consider adding a health warning and advise users to wear sunglasses while using the device. A gyroscope has been fitted to the gizzards of the iPhone 4, so it will now have the ability to stand, balanced on one edge for eternity. Incredible.
Then there is Face Time. A truly wonderful idea so long as you have a friend with a new iPhone 4 too, and you can both can find a hi-speed wi-fi connection at the very same time. Very ‘Jetsons’ ? Well, sort of.
The biggest new feature without a doubt is that the new iPhone 4 will have iAd. A great new innovation that will bombard users with incredibly credible non-stop in your face advertising 24/7 live in ALL applications. A truly novel idea and an experience I will just be drooling for until I can get my hands on this little baby.
Oh yes. The secret hidden feature I promised in the title I hear you ask.
While it is unconfirmed, it is believed that the new iPhone 4 will have the capability to make AND receive telephone calls. Complete with automatic drop-out and a brand new feature called ‘No Service When You Absolutely Need It’ or NSWYANI as it has been so cleverly named in beta versions.
To access this hidden feature, look for an inconspicuous green app button hidden in the bottom left hand corner of your home screen. Then press it and hope.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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iPad. I Am In Love
Fri, Jun 4 2010 06:00
| Computers, technology, iPad, apple
My new iPad, that wondrously magical and mystical device, arrived two days earlier than Steve Jobs promised. So it gave me a jump on the European pack clamouring for their own iPad.
So what is my verdict I can hear you ask.
Well, after a week of almost non-stop fondling and playing little ‘getting to know each other’ games, I have to say I’m in love. It is all as promised. Fast, reactive, extra-long battery life and very practical. I bought the leather Apple cover as well, and I would have to say that this is a must. Not only for protection, but as an ideal stand when typing.
A lot of what I have read about the iPad seems to compare it to a laptop and what it doesn’t have. No camera or USB for example. But it isn’t a laptop or netbook. A camera would wobble all the time if you were using Skype for example. And a USB would increase the bulk. Why would you need one anyway? Wireless works super fast to transfer anything.
For me it is the portability. Sitting on a café terrace drinking coffee and tapping out a chapter or two on Pages is just what I want. The email, contact app and photo app are just divine. Safari is very fast and the new apps written for iPad are sensational. I am in love with the ability to read newspapers that look like newspapers. The iBook app makes reading and e-book as close to the real thing as possible. I know, it doesn’t smell like a book, but maybe Apple are working on that.
Will it replace my Macbook? No. It is a device that is superb for absorbing content. However it has just enough input capabilities to make it very handy indeed for email, Twitter, Facebook and quietly tapping away if I feel the need to put a thousand words together. Oh, and looking a super clear and colourful photos of my grand kids.
Is it perfect? No way. There are still some gaps and glitches. The Pages app has a terrible file sync process. Really I would say for an Apple app it’s a shocker. Multitasking is really a necessity. Hopefully this will arrive with version 4.0. There is no search for photos. A print option would be a big help, as would Airtunes to play music through wi-fi speakers.
After an hour or so of use, the screen looks like a camel sneezed all over it. A simple wipe with an iPhone or iMac cleaning cloth works just fine. So why did Apple think it necessary not to include one with an expensive new iPad. Oh Apple! You cheapskates!
All in all though, I’m extremely happy and know that being an early adopter means a few little annoyances for a few months. But they are really so few. For me my iPad is just brilliant.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Derek's Author Page
So what is my verdict I can hear you ask.
Well, after a week of almost non-stop fondling and playing little ‘getting to know each other’ games, I have to say I’m in love. It is all as promised. Fast, reactive, extra-long battery life and very practical. I bought the leather Apple cover as well, and I would have to say that this is a must. Not only for protection, but as an ideal stand when typing.
A lot of what I have read about the iPad seems to compare it to a laptop and what it doesn’t have. No camera or USB for example. But it isn’t a laptop or netbook. A camera would wobble all the time if you were using Skype for example. And a USB would increase the bulk. Why would you need one anyway? Wireless works super fast to transfer anything.
For me it is the portability. Sitting on a café terrace drinking coffee and tapping out a chapter or two on Pages is just what I want. The email, contact app and photo app are just divine. Safari is very fast and the new apps written for iPad are sensational. I am in love with the ability to read newspapers that look like newspapers. The iBook app makes reading and e-book as close to the real thing as possible. I know, it doesn’t smell like a book, but maybe Apple are working on that.
Will it replace my Macbook? No. It is a device that is superb for absorbing content. However it has just enough input capabilities to make it very handy indeed for email, Twitter, Facebook and quietly tapping away if I feel the need to put a thousand words together. Oh, and looking a super clear and colourful photos of my grand kids.
Is it perfect? No way. There are still some gaps and glitches. The Pages app has a terrible file sync process. Really I would say for an Apple app it’s a shocker. Multitasking is really a necessity. Hopefully this will arrive with version 4.0. There is no search for photos. A print option would be a big help, as would Airtunes to play music through wi-fi speakers.
After an hour or so of use, the screen looks like a camel sneezed all over it. A simple wipe with an iPhone or iMac cleaning cloth works just fine. So why did Apple think it necessary not to include one with an expensive new iPad. Oh Apple! You cheapskates!
All in all though, I’m extremely happy and know that being an early adopter means a few little annoyances for a few months. But they are really so few. For me my iPad is just brilliant.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page
Freedom From Porn
Fri, May 21 2010 06:00
| kids, Porn, steve jobs, internet, apple
I have been reading with interest many news articles and blogs such as this one, about Steve Job’s now famous email exchange with a reporter Ryan Tate about his desire to offer ‘freedom from porn’ on Apple’s iPhone and iPad in particular.
Well in regard to this issue, I am fully supportive of Steve Jobs. I am certainly no prude, religious zealot or left of centre women’s right advocate. I am just an average guy with grand children. In fact, I am all for freedom of expression and do not believe in censorship.
What I do believe in, is that everything has its time and place. And the place for pornography is not where my five year old grandson is looking and listening. Just the same as I would like him not to be exposed to alcohol and cigarette advertising or graphic violence.
I recall reading some time ago about the quantity of pornography available on the internet. It is, as it has always been, a huge industry. But it is just like alcohol. Another huge business. But it’s not for kids.
As a side issue. While porn doesn’t offend me. It certainly does when I am only looking for some clip art.
I agree with Steve Jobs. I want the freedom from unsolicited porn. I am sure I will be able to find it if I really want to.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Well in regard to this issue, I am fully supportive of Steve Jobs. I am certainly no prude, religious zealot or left of centre women’s right advocate. I am just an average guy with grand children. In fact, I am all for freedom of expression and do not believe in censorship.
What I do believe in, is that everything has its time and place. And the place for pornography is not where my five year old grandson is looking and listening. Just the same as I would like him not to be exposed to alcohol and cigarette advertising or graphic violence.
I recall reading some time ago about the quantity of pornography available on the internet. It is, as it has always been, a huge industry. But it is just like alcohol. Another huge business. But it’s not for kids.
As a side issue. While porn doesn’t offend me. It certainly does when I am only looking for some clip art.
I agree with Steve Jobs. I want the freedom from unsolicited porn. I am sure I will be able to find it if I really want to.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Comments (5)
And The Winner Is……
Publishing a book has become easier in recent years due to self-publishing alternatives such as vanity publishing, print-on-demand and e-books. The abundance of on-line publishers and stores seems to grow almost daily. So is it a viable alternative to traditional publishing? This really depends on your outlook and goals as an author. If you suffer badly from continual rejection, then self-publishing will certainly be better for your morale. In the end though, it really is about selling books. And lots of them. This is where traditional publishers and their marketing advantages truly come into play. The resources at their disposal are enormous, and justifiably, they need to make money out of your book to recoup these costs. So it has to be marketable. Hence the number of rejections from hopeful authors.
Even if you are fortunate enough to be signed by a publisher, remember that they will also want your ‘pound of flesh’ from you to promote the book and your royalties per copy will be quite small. So you and your publisher both have to sell a lot of books to make money.
On the other hand, your profit per book is much higher as a self-publisher so you don’t need to sell as many books. But here’s the catch. You have to do ALL of the marketing work yourself. Not only this, but also the editing, proof reading, cover design, typography and general management of your title. As a rule of thumb, I say that all of this extra work accounts for about three times the amount of time I spent writing the book.
Then you have another choice. Will you also publish an e-book version? With Apple now entering the market, the next year or so may prove to be interesting. It’s worth mentioning that this involves more work for you as the formatting for an e-book is totally different from the printed version, and is very time consuming. Just add a few more days work here.
So who will win this new book battle? Books or e-books? Big publishers or self-publishers? Lastly I suppose. Do you want to be in the contest?
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Comments (2)
You Are A Publisher
Mon, May 3 2010 06:00
| smashwords, bookbuzzr, amazon, ibooks, publishing, ebooks, apple
I have seen a lot written about self-publishing recently and although I have to agree with some points, many are really way off the mark and show little understanding about publishing today. With the advent of new electronic markets such as Kindle and now Apple iBooks, the world is starting to become an oyster for those authors who wish to take up the challenge.
However, there is one important point to consider if you are an author or writer. Are you a publisher too?
While writing a book takes time and skill, having it published by one of the many self-publishing houses is very simple. Converting your manuscript to pdf or to a Kindle e-book is child’s play. Placing a preview on Bookbuzzr or Smashwords is a cinch. So this is the point where it is all very easy for a writer. Your book is now in the public domain. You are published. Well, you will be when you sell your fist copy anyway.
But who is going to buy it? And why?
A very good reason not to buy a book is because the preview read of your book is riddled with typo’s, grammar errors, spelling mistakes and simple plot errors. So, you need to get or become an editor. Then change hats and become an excellent proof reader too.
Another turn off. Your book has a lousy cover. Either become a proficient graphic designer or hire one.
Reason three why it will not be bought. Your book is lost in the crowd. The classic example for me is seeing 99 out of 100 promo tweets saying ‘Check out my book’. And you said you were a writer? Surely you have the talent to write something better than that!
Probably the last reason is that no one knows about your book. So you had better put your marketing and sales hat on now and start flogging your book like crazy.
In my mind the tag of self-publishing is only correct if you are willing to follow the ‘stick a book on Amazon and forget about it’ method. If you are really determined and willing to do the hard work that a traditional publisher does for their authors then you should be called an independent author and publisher. Or in other words a writer, author, editor, proofreader, graphic designer, administrator and imaginative marketing guru. It might have taken you a year to write your book, but you will need to market it and sell it for the next ten years at least. Nine times the effort. Yes indeed.
A thought for you.
If no one knows about it, the greatest book ever written will never sell.
If everyone is talking about it, a crappy romance rag about your next door neighbour’s cat will sell. And sell like hot cakes!
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Derek's Author Page
However, there is one important point to consider if you are an author or writer. Are you a publisher too?
While writing a book takes time and skill, having it published by one of the many self-publishing houses is very simple. Converting your manuscript to pdf or to a Kindle e-book is child’s play. Placing a preview on Bookbuzzr or Smashwords is a cinch. So this is the point where it is all very easy for a writer. Your book is now in the public domain. You are published. Well, you will be when you sell your fist copy anyway.
But who is going to buy it? And why?
A very good reason not to buy a book is because the preview read of your book is riddled with typo’s, grammar errors, spelling mistakes and simple plot errors. So, you need to get or become an editor. Then change hats and become an excellent proof reader too.
Another turn off. Your book has a lousy cover. Either become a proficient graphic designer or hire one.
Reason three why it will not be bought. Your book is lost in the crowd. The classic example for me is seeing 99 out of 100 promo tweets saying ‘Check out my book’. And you said you were a writer? Surely you have the talent to write something better than that!
Probably the last reason is that no one knows about your book. So you had better put your marketing and sales hat on now and start flogging your book like crazy.
In my mind the tag of self-publishing is only correct if you are willing to follow the ‘stick a book on Amazon and forget about it’ method. If you are really determined and willing to do the hard work that a traditional publisher does for their authors then you should be called an independent author and publisher. Or in other words a writer, author, editor, proofreader, graphic designer, administrator and imaginative marketing guru. It might have taken you a year to write your book, but you will need to market it and sell it for the next ten years at least. Nine times the effort. Yes indeed.
A thought for you.
If no one knows about it, the greatest book ever written will never sell.
If everyone is talking about it, a crappy romance rag about your next door neighbour’s cat will sell. And sell like hot cakes!
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page
Five Reasons Why I Want An Apple iPad
Sat, May 1 2010 06:00
| technology, iPad, steve jobs, envy, apple
With all that has been written about this ‘Magical and Revolutionary Device At An Unbelievable Price’, it’s a wonder there is anymore to write. But, not to be outdone by 1,000’s of other bloggers, I want to have my ten cents worth. So, sit back, relax and soak up my ten reasons why I want an iPad.
Number one reason is simply that it’s Apple. Therefore it is a necessity. Steve baby has an innate ability to know what it it that I don’t have right now that I really, really absolutely, must have need.
Then there’s is the ‘they have one, and I don’t’ factor. So not being from the US, I have to wait like everyone else outside the US and grow greener and greener every day with technological envy.
I definitely want to have the first ever computer contraption that doesn’t come standard with a calculator. How confident is that?
My iPhone is just so perfect, I want a bigger one. And seeing as I never use my iPhone to actually make calls, the iPad should suit me perfectly.
The last reason is that I place no value in money, so why not exchange useless pieces of paper for something I can hold in my hand and play with until the novelty wears off.
So. You? Are you up for an iPad?
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Number one reason is simply that it’s Apple. Therefore it is a necessity. Steve baby has an innate ability to know what it it that I don’t have right now that I really, really absolutely, must have need.
Then there’s is the ‘they have one, and I don’t’ factor. So not being from the US, I have to wait like everyone else outside the US and grow greener and greener every day with technological envy.
I definitely want to have the first ever computer contraption that doesn’t come standard with a calculator. How confident is that?
My iPhone is just so perfect, I want a bigger one. And seeing as I never use my iPhone to actually make calls, the iPad should suit me perfectly.
The last reason is that I place no value in money, so why not exchange useless pieces of paper for something I can hold in my hand and play with until the novelty wears off.
So. You? Are you up for an iPad?
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How To Tell If Your Mac Likes You
Tue, Mar 23 2010 06:00
| technology, habits, addiction, mac, apple
My regular readers will know that I have a number of personality flaws. While most of my flaws are rather economical and revolve around laziness, one of these self-admitted flaws is rather expensive to run.
Just cannot help myself. I love anything Apple, Mac, Macbook, Macos, Snow Leopard or anything remotely connected to rumours about Steve Jobs’ Mercedes or the way he parks it at Cupertino. If Steve Baby decided to market iPotatoes or iFreshAir I reckon he would have me lining up with my credit card.
So why am I so hooked? Because I really think my Macs appreciate me. The way Alex, my voice over assistant on my iMac announces little events. Routine, out of the ordinary or emergency announcements are just so warm and cuddly with his authoritative, yet friendly voice that is always calming and warm.
The way my Macbook Pro jumps to life a microsecond before I fully open its cute little lid, fills me full of confidence and a feeling that it recognised my presence before I touched it. Then there is my iPhone. Do I need to say anything except best, best bestest friend here?
My wife and I discussed the possibility of replacing her White Macbook. She would have nothing of it. Her friend of many years stayed. So, a little investment in memory, and it’s back to number one, never needs rebooting, wife friend.
The only minutely small and insignificant issues are that they tend to be just a little bit more expensive than, than, than, what are those ugly grey boxes called again? And of course, the spinning beach ball of death. But then again, watching a spinning beach ball is a sign of friendship in times of duress when compared to the blue screen of death on grey boxes.
If you love PCs you’ll of course hate this article. However, I can’t hear you over my dear Alex telling me my back up is ready to begin very soon.
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Just cannot help myself. I love anything Apple, Mac, Macbook, Macos, Snow Leopard or anything remotely connected to rumours about Steve Jobs’ Mercedes or the way he parks it at Cupertino. If Steve Baby decided to market iPotatoes or iFreshAir I reckon he would have me lining up with my credit card.
So why am I so hooked? Because I really think my Macs appreciate me. The way Alex, my voice over assistant on my iMac announces little events. Routine, out of the ordinary or emergency announcements are just so warm and cuddly with his authoritative, yet friendly voice that is always calming and warm.
The way my Macbook Pro jumps to life a microsecond before I fully open its cute little lid, fills me full of confidence and a feeling that it recognised my presence before I touched it. Then there is my iPhone. Do I need to say anything except best, best bestest friend here?
My wife and I discussed the possibility of replacing her White Macbook. She would have nothing of it. Her friend of many years stayed. So, a little investment in memory, and it’s back to number one, never needs rebooting, wife friend.
The only minutely small and insignificant issues are that they tend to be just a little bit more expensive than, than, than, what are those ugly grey boxes called again? And of course, the spinning beach ball of death. But then again, watching a spinning beach ball is a sign of friendship in times of duress when compared to the blue screen of death on grey boxes.
If you love PCs you’ll of course hate this article. However, I can’t hear you over my dear Alex telling me my back up is ready to begin very soon.
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Apple Transplant Update
A follow up for those who may have been traumatised by my recent article about my Apple iMac’s sibling problems. Well I’m happy to report back that my beloved iMac has just returned home from the MacHospital and seems to be back to it’s happy and smiling self once again.
Not only that, but during the transplant surgery the surgeon kindly gave the dear thing a much bigger ticker and now can do anything with a transplanted 1.5 Terabyte hard drive ticking away inside. I can almost hear the pride calculating away just behind the screen.
I hear you asking, and yes I did have to part with some hard earned money, but what is money when it’s spent on one of your best friends?
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Not only that, but during the transplant surgery the surgeon kindly gave the dear thing a much bigger ticker and now can do anything with a transplanted 1.5 Terabyte hard drive ticking away inside. I can almost hear the pride calculating away just behind the screen.
I hear you asking, and yes I did have to part with some hard earned money, but what is money when it’s spent on one of your best friends?
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Apple Mac Invalid Sibling
Now this is not what I thought it was. My first reaction was too laugh out loud because my iMac had somehow been a bit naughty overnight and managed to procreate. Alas, it wasn’t to be champagne and little nibbley things. It was the opposite.
An imminent death! So I kept the nibbley things idea going in case I needed to hold a wake. Just replace the champagne with sherry.
After a little research, I discovered that in fact an invalid sibling is something very serious and resulted in my iMac refusing to start and telling me so in nine languages. Luckily I have a Macbook, on which I conducted the research. I could have used my wife’s Macbook too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was in the middle of installing some extra memory for her and her little white Macbook was in a number of pieces. Good timing!
The internet is wonderful in situations like this. I found one hundred remedies for an invalid sibling. Unfortunately, after hours of trying, none worked. So I am now watching my iMac attempt to reinstall from the original disks. Time remaining: 22 minutes! The bad news is that it has been showing that for over an hour now. My confidence is waning rapidly.
If all fails I will march off to my local Mac repair man. Then hope like hell that my back up procedure was perfect. Fingers crossed.
It is only at times like this that my beloved little Apple Macs become, well, ordinary damn troublesome computers.
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An imminent death! So I kept the nibbley things idea going in case I needed to hold a wake. Just replace the champagne with sherry.
After a little research, I discovered that in fact an invalid sibling is something very serious and resulted in my iMac refusing to start and telling me so in nine languages. Luckily I have a Macbook, on which I conducted the research. I could have used my wife’s Macbook too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was in the middle of installing some extra memory for her and her little white Macbook was in a number of pieces. Good timing!
The internet is wonderful in situations like this. I found one hundred remedies for an invalid sibling. Unfortunately, after hours of trying, none worked. So I am now watching my iMac attempt to reinstall from the original disks. Time remaining: 22 minutes! The bad news is that it has been showing that for over an hour now. My confidence is waning rapidly.
If all fails I will march off to my local Mac repair man. Then hope like hell that my back up procedure was perfect. Fingers crossed.
It is only at times like this that my beloved little Apple Macs become, well, ordinary damn troublesome computers.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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I Try To Stay Away
The last thing I want is to be glued to a computer all day. So I have developed a routine to avoid the temptation and serious bad health effects of being stuck on my beautiful Macbook Pro all day. So here’s my new routine.
Breakfast. Coffee, toast and check the Google news, emails and overnight Tweets and Facebook entries. Followed by second coffee, and answer emails. Once finished, exercise time and check the snail mail. (Panic at the sight of bills and consider more coffee.)
Time to make sure I have written my blog post for the day. Normally 20 minutes writing and 40 minutes playing with my Macbook. Then I remember the bills that arrived in the mail and feel guilty so I log on to my bank site and start figuring out how I’ll pay the bills. Two hours later, I give up on a few bills and file them back in an easily forgotten drawer, and consider lunch.
Lunch is a great time to catch up on the Google news again, and see if any new Apple products have been released by Steve Jobs, oh, and check if anybody loves me on Twitter. Then an after lunch coffee, and of course some tweets to answer.
Then. Yes, then it’s time to get on with my new novel that I have ignored all morning. So, tap, tap, clack, clack and lose track of time until my wife arrives home at six thirty and scares the living daylights out of me. A reflex action then to find a recipe for dinner. Oh, epicurious.com you’re a life saver. Then we have a glass of wine and cook together to the dim glow of the recipe on my trusty Macbook.
Dinner finished, time to do a check on my Twitter friends, and for my wife to read the 175
blogs she follows. At last, finally and without remorse, we are both finished for the day. Time to say hello, and go to bed.
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Breakfast. Coffee, toast and check the Google news, emails and overnight Tweets and Facebook entries. Followed by second coffee, and answer emails. Once finished, exercise time and check the snail mail. (Panic at the sight of bills and consider more coffee.)
Time to make sure I have written my blog post for the day. Normally 20 minutes writing and 40 minutes playing with my Macbook. Then I remember the bills that arrived in the mail and feel guilty so I log on to my bank site and start figuring out how I’ll pay the bills. Two hours later, I give up on a few bills and file them back in an easily forgotten drawer, and consider lunch.
Lunch is a great time to catch up on the Google news again, and see if any new Apple products have been released by Steve Jobs, oh, and check if anybody loves me on Twitter. Then an after lunch coffee, and of course some tweets to answer.
Then. Yes, then it’s time to get on with my new novel that I have ignored all morning. So, tap, tap, clack, clack and lose track of time until my wife arrives home at six thirty and scares the living daylights out of me. A reflex action then to find a recipe for dinner. Oh, epicurious.com you’re a life saver. Then we have a glass of wine and cook together to the dim glow of the recipe on my trusty Macbook.
Dinner finished, time to do a check on my Twitter friends, and for my wife to read the 175
blogs she follows. At last, finally and without remorse, we are both finished for the day. Time to say hello, and go to bed.
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My Apple iPad Wish List
My Apple iPad Wish listI read with interest recently that many tech experts believe the Apple iPad will be a flop if it doesn’t come equipped with a camera when released in a month or two. Also, there are rumours that Apple could be ‘nimble’ with the retail price. Well, this got me thinking about what the iPad would need for me to buy on day one, and become a queuing early adopter. So here is my five point iPad wish list.
A Mirror. It’s so logical that it should double as a mirror. It is really made to be carried in a hand bag, so why not have an extra layer on the screen so it can act as a mirror? I would even think there is an opportunity for an early morning shaving mirror application for the iPad. So long as it can be made ‘mist’ resistant.
A Corner Turner. The iBooks application that Steve Jobs demonstrated was extraordinarily brilliant. Turning those pages that looked like pages with a stroke of his finger made it look as if he had a real book in his hands. The only thing missing for me, was the ability to fold over a corner of a page to know where I had left the story. Bad habit I know, but that would be a killer app for me.
A Photovoltaic Back. I heard it can run for ten hours on its battery, but I would have to see a greener angle. With a solar collection photovoltaic cell on the rear of the iPad, I could jut leave it upside down near a window, and it would be charged up all the time. I can’t believe this was missed. Even cheap little pocket calculators have been able to do this for twenty years.
Biometrics. Why bother with passports when the iPad could store all your personal biometric data? It’s wireless, so all governments would be able to track you with ease. All it would need is a simple finger print and iris recognition app. Oh yes, and probably a camera as I mentioned before. Otherwise, how would you take your id photograph?
Skyhooks. As the iPad is a weighty little creature, I think skyhooks would be a practical accessory. They would take the strain off your arms, and would mean you could position the iPad just at the right angle for sitting, laying down, doing yoga or when your hands are occupied. I know people love to look at recipes on the internet, so skyhooks would be a necessity if you used your iPad in the kitchen while cooking an upside down lemon surprise cake.
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I’ll Buy An iPad
Fri, Jan 29 2010 06:00
| technology, iPad, steve jobs, internet, ebooks, apple
Although I would have much preferred it was called an iSlate, iTablet or iAnythingelse I’ll just have to settle with the close to iPod name of iPad. So what’s in a name other than a lot of jokes and plays on words.
The very simple idea I understood when I watched Steve Jobs try to convince the world that we need another mobile device was this. If your role is to input. Stay away. If your role is to devour output, then line up and buy one immediately. It’s as simple as that.
In our family of two, it is a very simple calculation. I write. Therefore I will stay with my beloved MacBook Pro and tap away at my keyboard until hell freezes over. My wife though, is a reader and absorber of huge amounts of information. She rarely file saves anything, but bookmarks thousands of pieces of information from the net. She also collects blogs and recipes. She borders on a workaholic and checks her email at the strangest of hours.
So, while I may enjoy a surf from time to time, I’ll buy one of these for my wife. She’ll fall in love with it I’m sure. Well, a few weeks after she has forgotten about the credit card bill anyway. It may take another few weeks to wean her off her white MacBook but I’m sure the iPad will win in the end.
I should add a caveat here that I am an Apple devotee and a long time admirer of Steve Jobs and his way off centre approach. Therefore my opinion is totally biased and bares no resemblance to a balanced view whatsoever.
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The very simple idea I understood when I watched Steve Jobs try to convince the world that we need another mobile device was this. If your role is to input. Stay away. If your role is to devour output, then line up and buy one immediately. It’s as simple as that.
In our family of two, it is a very simple calculation. I write. Therefore I will stay with my beloved MacBook Pro and tap away at my keyboard until hell freezes over. My wife though, is a reader and absorber of huge amounts of information. She rarely file saves anything, but bookmarks thousands of pieces of information from the net. She also collects blogs and recipes. She borders on a workaholic and checks her email at the strangest of hours.
So, while I may enjoy a surf from time to time, I’ll buy one of these for my wife. She’ll fall in love with it I’m sure. Well, a few weeks after she has forgotten about the credit card bill anyway. It may take another few weeks to wean her off her white MacBook but I’m sure the iPad will win in the end.
I should add a caveat here that I am an Apple devotee and a long time admirer of Steve Jobs and his way off centre approach. Therefore my opinion is totally biased and bares no resemblance to a balanced view whatsoever.
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To Kindle Or Not
Like all writers and authors, I have been watching the growth of e-books and Kindle in particular for many months now. In some ways, my decision, or should I say non-decision was made easy. Amazon did not accept books from non US authors, until last week that is. Not only has Amazon Kindle now decided to accept books from authors world wide, but also in French and German.
So, I had to make the decision. Would I offer my books in an e-book format?
As I currently have my titles available on Amazon, it was not that hard to decide on making my books available on Kindle. Especially as they offer DRM. (Digital Rights Management) This is not always the case with other e-book formats.
My second rationale, was that although I will always prefer reading a real book myself, and delight in the smell, feel and selection of typography and design, the world is moving forward. Many people quite clearly like the practicality and portability of an electronic reader. Another consideration for me was environmental. There is no doubt that books do need trees to be produced.
The last item in my consideration process was that famous, but yet to be announced Apple tablet. Now whether it eventuates or not, there is one thing I am certain of. In the near future Apple will offer e-books from their iTunes store. It is just so blatantly obvious for them to do so. Will this affect books in a similar manner to what iTunes has done to music delivery? The power of Apple is not in their hard products. Think about the affect they have had on mobile telephones. The iPhone is ok, but the appStore is where they have changed the market completely.
This led me to the simple conclusion. You can’t stay stuck in the mud. Either move forward, or be run over by progress.
Therefore, as of this week my books will be available on Kindle. But only Kindle for the time being. I’ll wait and see what Steve Jobs has up his sleeve before I move any further than that.
Check here if you are interested in a Kindle version of any of my books.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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So, I had to make the decision. Would I offer my books in an e-book format?
As I currently have my titles available on Amazon, it was not that hard to decide on making my books available on Kindle. Especially as they offer DRM. (Digital Rights Management) This is not always the case with other e-book formats.
My second rationale, was that although I will always prefer reading a real book myself, and delight in the smell, feel and selection of typography and design, the world is moving forward. Many people quite clearly like the practicality and portability of an electronic reader. Another consideration for me was environmental. There is no doubt that books do need trees to be produced.
The last item in my consideration process was that famous, but yet to be announced Apple tablet. Now whether it eventuates or not, there is one thing I am certain of. In the near future Apple will offer e-books from their iTunes store. It is just so blatantly obvious for them to do so. Will this affect books in a similar manner to what iTunes has done to music delivery? The power of Apple is not in their hard products. Think about the affect they have had on mobile telephones. The iPhone is ok, but the appStore is where they have changed the market completely.
This led me to the simple conclusion. You can’t stay stuck in the mud. Either move forward, or be run over by progress.
Therefore, as of this week my books will be available on Kindle. But only Kindle for the time being. I’ll wait and see what Steve Jobs has up his sleeve before I move any further than that.
Check here if you are interested in a Kindle version of any of my books.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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An Apple Tablet
Sun, Jan 17 2010 06:00
| technology, myth, Cool, apple
Well, when I first heard this expression, I thought it was referring to a new vitamin pill. You know, carrot extract, capsicum enriched vitamin C type to morning swallow with OJ and coffee. So why not a healthy apple pill? Would save a lot of shining and crunching. Just swallow and then an apple pill a day keeps the doctor away.
But no. This is not something to swallow. Or is it? No, not a little pill, but some kind of fantasy, mystery, half truth and totally non-existent thing that has only yet survived in the thin air of internet fantasy and yet, somehow many of us have swallowed it as truth already.
So what is this fantasy that has been labeled the Apple tablet, Apple iSlate and numerous other has at a guess names. Well, as I understand it is simply a computer. But, heavens above, without a keyboard. I suppose sort of like that other non-existent secret that turned out to be the Apple iPhone a couple of years ago.
So what will we be able to do with this as yet non-existent slab of computer? Well, as with recent Apple releases, almost anything. It will surely be Wi-Fi. 3G, super portable and Starbucks compliant. I do not even need to guess that it will connect to the iTunes store and be super capable of taking your money in a microsecond. Added to that, it would certainly be cool. Well, is there anything Apple that is not cool.
And that’s the crunch really. The cool factor. Whether the iTablet come iSlate or iBrick exists is not that important. It is that just thinking that there maybe one is enough to start thinking cool. It matters zip that Microsoft, HP and a gang of other PC friends announced a tablet this week, because PC is not cool. It’s, well, PC. So, therefore, not cool. It’s only Apple that can do cool in square electronic objects of whim, and lighten our wallets and credit cards so easily.
You have give credit where credit is due. Steve Jobs is one cool cat. To me the king of cool. So cool in fact, that he has created a direct debit to my credit card. New Apple gadget, instant debit on my credit card.
Yes, I’m Apple hooked. I admit it. But, then again, I am just so, so cool. And have a credit card balance to prove it.
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But no. This is not something to swallow. Or is it? No, not a little pill, but some kind of fantasy, mystery, half truth and totally non-existent thing that has only yet survived in the thin air of internet fantasy and yet, somehow many of us have swallowed it as truth already.
So what is this fantasy that has been labeled the Apple tablet, Apple iSlate and numerous other has at a guess names. Well, as I understand it is simply a computer. But, heavens above, without a keyboard. I suppose sort of like that other non-existent secret that turned out to be the Apple iPhone a couple of years ago.
So what will we be able to do with this as yet non-existent slab of computer? Well, as with recent Apple releases, almost anything. It will surely be Wi-Fi. 3G, super portable and Starbucks compliant. I do not even need to guess that it will connect to the iTunes store and be super capable of taking your money in a microsecond. Added to that, it would certainly be cool. Well, is there anything Apple that is not cool.
And that’s the crunch really. The cool factor. Whether the iTablet come iSlate or iBrick exists is not that important. It is that just thinking that there maybe one is enough to start thinking cool. It matters zip that Microsoft, HP and a gang of other PC friends announced a tablet this week, because PC is not cool. It’s, well, PC. So, therefore, not cool. It’s only Apple that can do cool in square electronic objects of whim, and lighten our wallets and credit cards so easily.
You have give credit where credit is due. Steve Jobs is one cool cat. To me the king of cool. So cool in fact, that he has created a direct debit to my credit card. New Apple gadget, instant debit on my credit card.
Yes, I’m Apple hooked. I admit it. But, then again, I am just so, so cool. And have a credit card balance to prove it.
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Mac Attack!

We had a friend stay with us recently, and it was quite clear he was a PC and Microsoft man. While there was no complaints about using any of our numerous Macs, it was clear he had no affection for them. Unlike me.
So why am I so in love with Mac?
There are some logical reasons such as no viruses or spyware. Well, not that I notice, care about or protect against. It's a childish sense of innocence. Then there is the simplicity of networking in a household. Another winning point is fewer cables and nice neat boxes for wi-fi and external drives. Lastly, Apple makes upgrading anything child's play.
That's about where logic stops. I know I can buy a PC laptop for half the price of my Mac. I know they work. But somehow, they are just not 'pretty' enough. The don't feel as 'nice' as Apple's brushed aluminum or white plastic. I know I am locked into Mac software, and am limited in my selection. There are 1000's of free PC programs on the net. Only a handful for Mac. I know I could replace my iMac desktop for peanuts with a PC.
But would my iPhone and iPod work as beautifully with PCs?
The problem I have is that all my expensive Mac products work beautifully and seamlessly with each other. (Well, 99% of the time admittedly.) I can close the lid of my Macbook, knowing it will be ready for me in an instant when I open it again. Even in two weeks time. You know, I can't remember when I re-booted it!
The truth however is probably too simple. It's about the 'what I have is the best' mentality. I love my Macs because I use Mac. I have to, after all the money I have spent on them. And my friend has to like PC and Microsoft because he has spent so much money on his PC computers.
So why does my PC and Microsoft friend have an iPhone?
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