The Democracy Gravy Train
Fri, Jul 23 2010 06:00
| Politicians, elections, equality, Politics, democracy
I am not going to mention any names here, but paying for your mistress’s flat, your Havana cigar habit, your girl friend’s jewellery and dining on champagne and caviar from the public purse proves that democracy is as corrupt as any ‘ocracy’ or ‘ism.
We are so easily fooled every time we are asked to vote and choose between one, two or possibly three equally lying and corrupt career politicians who in fact all belong to the same venal club. The ruling elite. Really is there any difference between the old Rhodesia under Ian Smith or the newer Zimbabwe under Robert Mugabe? Think about it? What has really changed?
While our current bunch of world leaders generally give an outward veneer of respectability, you do not have to scratch too deep to find greed, sleaze, pay-offs and half, if not full untruths. Freedom, liberty, human rights, equality and truth are all very negotiable and malleable principles for the ‘haut monde’ who still hold dear to the belief that war is still a honourable political tool.
Whether it be Middle East peace, African education, third world poverty, global warming, unchecked industrial pollution or torture and human trafficking, all ‘political lip service’ causes are continually swept aside as there is truly no real political motivation for real action.
The only action you ever see is when something goes astray with the one and only political reality. The economy. Or more precisely, the money that belongs to the ruling elite. If you want to fully understand politics, follow the money trail and forget any fruitless hopes you may have or have had about political fairness or ethical behaviour. It will never, never happen.
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We are so easily fooled every time we are asked to vote and choose between one, two or possibly three equally lying and corrupt career politicians who in fact all belong to the same venal club. The ruling elite. Really is there any difference between the old Rhodesia under Ian Smith or the newer Zimbabwe under Robert Mugabe? Think about it? What has really changed?
While our current bunch of world leaders generally give an outward veneer of respectability, you do not have to scratch too deep to find greed, sleaze, pay-offs and half, if not full untruths. Freedom, liberty, human rights, equality and truth are all very negotiable and malleable principles for the ‘haut monde’ who still hold dear to the belief that war is still a honourable political tool.
Whether it be Middle East peace, African education, third world poverty, global warming, unchecked industrial pollution or torture and human trafficking, all ‘political lip service’ causes are continually swept aside as there is truly no real political motivation for real action.
The only action you ever see is when something goes astray with the one and only political reality. The economy. Or more precisely, the money that belongs to the ruling elite. If you want to fully understand politics, follow the money trail and forget any fruitless hopes you may have or have had about political fairness or ethical behaviour. It will never, never happen.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Comments (1)
The Greedy Gas Guzzlers
As much as I am extremely concerned about the environmental and economic damage caused by the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, there is a cynical side to me that sadistically thinks it is ‘just desserts’ for a nation that has greedily guzzled cheap fuel while the rest of the world has economised on the use of fossil fuels.
Not just in the very recent years when ‘green’ has become popular centrist politics, but for the last forty years the US has shown that it is cheap oil that fuels its economy and any length justifies the means of monopolising the oil market. Perhaps your should read Bush Oil Administrations and Iraq Wars here.
So while the US continues to have a love affair with Hummers, gas guzzling pick up trucks, SUVs, V8s and 365/24/7 air conditioning, how can I really have much sympathy? Rather odd in my mind that the US government was ready to give the ‘green light’ to more close offshore oil drilling just days before this spill. I do not recall hearing a vocal opposition at that time. Almost everyone in the US was quite happy to find more cheap oil it seemed.
The other point that comes to mind with the advent of this disaster is the Katrina fiasco in New Orleans. Two examples now of the inefficiency of a ‘greed is good’ capitalist policy. The inability of the US to manage natural disasters is frightening for a super power state. Why is the government of the US looking on while it waits for BP to fix the problem? Where are the Federal agencies that should be responsible in such situations?
I have heard President Obama say a number of times that BP must pay for this. Well, whoopee doop! BP made $35 billion last year so money is no problem. The real problem is that President Obama is powerless to do anything. Except maybe ‘nuke’ it to plug the flow.
Oh I am really sure the population of the Gulf States would go for that.
As I recall a US general once said, America is very good at blowing things up, but not very good at fixing things. Oh too true.
Wake up America. Your Jed Clampett, Beverly Hillbillies fantasy days are well and truly over.
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Not just in the very recent years when ‘green’ has become popular centrist politics, but for the last forty years the US has shown that it is cheap oil that fuels its economy and any length justifies the means of monopolising the oil market. Perhaps your should read Bush Oil Administrations and Iraq Wars here.
So while the US continues to have a love affair with Hummers, gas guzzling pick up trucks, SUVs, V8s and 365/24/7 air conditioning, how can I really have much sympathy? Rather odd in my mind that the US government was ready to give the ‘green light’ to more close offshore oil drilling just days before this spill. I do not recall hearing a vocal opposition at that time. Almost everyone in the US was quite happy to find more cheap oil it seemed.
The other point that comes to mind with the advent of this disaster is the Katrina fiasco in New Orleans. Two examples now of the inefficiency of a ‘greed is good’ capitalist policy. The inability of the US to manage natural disasters is frightening for a super power state. Why is the government of the US looking on while it waits for BP to fix the problem? Where are the Federal agencies that should be responsible in such situations?
I have heard President Obama say a number of times that BP must pay for this. Well, whoopee doop! BP made $35 billion last year so money is no problem. The real problem is that President Obama is powerless to do anything. Except maybe ‘nuke’ it to plug the flow.
Oh I am really sure the population of the Gulf States would go for that.
As I recall a US general once said, America is very good at blowing things up, but not very good at fixing things. Oh too true.
Wake up America. Your Jed Clampett, Beverly Hillbillies fantasy days are well and truly over.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Comments (10)
My All Time Favourite Conspiracy Theories
Sun, Apr 4 2010 06:00
| myths, beliefs, Conspiracies, Politics
I just love reading conspiracy theories. There is something so wonderfully real about them that I just have to read on. The research and painstaking attention to detail of these theories is a testimony to the work some people will undertake to reinforce their underlying suspicions, and this is to be admired. In my mind, the best of them leave me with that ‘what if’ feeling lingering in the back of my brain for weeks. Here are some of my favourites courtesy of Wikipedia. I am sure you have some you would add to my list.
Celebrities
In October 1969, a rumour began circling that Paul McCartney, one of The Beatles, died in a car crash in late 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike. Proponents of the theory, which is commonly referred to as the Paul is dead hoax, cite "clues" in the form of peculiar album covers, possible symbolism in strange lyrics, and backmasking.
Space
Theorists claim that some or all of the Apollo moon landings were "staged" in a Hollywood movie or other studio either because they never happened or to conceal some aspect of the truth of the circumstances of the actual landing (although Mythbusters performed a series of tests that contradicted many of the conspiracy theorists claims).
War
That the Pearl Harbor attack was not a surprise event. US president Franklin D. Roosevelt knew about the risk of a military attack by the Japanese, so he ordered the US Department of State kept it quiet through late 1941.
Coup d'état
1975 - Gough Whitlam - theory that the dismissal of Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam by Governor-General John Kerr in 1975 was brought about by U.S. intelligence operatives unhappy with Whitlam's economic, social and foreign policies.
Assassination
Conspiracy theories sometimes emerge following assassinations of prominent people. The best known is the assassination of John F. Kennedy (1963), which has caused a number of conspiracy theories to develop. Central to this theory is the claim that the injuries received by Kennedy and Governor John Connally could not have been caused by a lone gunman behind the motorcade and to the right. This theory was popularised by the Oliver Stone movie, JFK. Three polls conducted in 2003 suggest that there is widespread disbelief among the U.S. public about the official story of a lone gunman between 68% and 83%.
DTV Transition
Some theorists claim that forced transition to Digital television broadcasting is practical realization of "Big Brother" concept. They claim that miniature cameras and microphones are built into Set-top boxes and newer TV sets to spy on people. Another claim describes use of mind control technology that would be hidden in the digital signal and used to subvert the mind and feelings of the people and for subliminal advertising.
Evil Aliens
A somewhat different version of this theory maintains that humanity is actually under the control of shape-shifting alien reptiles, who require periodic ingestion of human blood to maintain their human appearance. David Icke has been a devoted proponent of this theory. Reportedly the Bush family and the British Royal Family are actually such creatures, and Diana, Princess of Wales was aware of this, presumably relating to her death. David Icke's theory, which encompasses many other conspiracy theories, is that humanity is actually under the reptillians; with evidence ranging from Sumerian tablets describing the "Anunnaki" (which he translates as "those who from heaven to earth came"), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse and water fluoridation. This theory has been the subject of several books.
False Flag Operations
Many 9/11 conspiracy theories have been presented to explain the September 11, 2001 attacks, many of them claiming that individuals in the United States government knew about the attacks beforehand and purposefully allowed them to occur, or orchestrated the attacks themselves, as a pretext for the "War on Terror", wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, increased militarization, expansion of the police state, and other intrusive foreign and domestic policies by which they would benefit. Proponents point to the Project for the New American Century, a conservative think tank that argues for increased American global leadership, whose former members include ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, former Vice President Dick Cheney and several other key Bush administration figures. A 2000 report from the group stated that "some catastrophic and catalyzing event — like a new Pearl Harbor" would be needed as a pretext for carrying out their plans for "United States global hegemony" in the 21st century. The 9/11 Truth Movement is the self-bestowed name of those who seek the purported "truth" about 9/11.
I am off for some more conspiracy theory reading. Keeps me occupied for hours.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Celebrities
In October 1969, a rumour began circling that Paul McCartney, one of The Beatles, died in a car crash in late 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike. Proponents of the theory, which is commonly referred to as the Paul is dead hoax, cite "clues" in the form of peculiar album covers, possible symbolism in strange lyrics, and backmasking.
Space
Theorists claim that some or all of the Apollo moon landings were "staged" in a Hollywood movie or other studio either because they never happened or to conceal some aspect of the truth of the circumstances of the actual landing (although Mythbusters performed a series of tests that contradicted many of the conspiracy theorists claims).
War
That the Pearl Harbor attack was not a surprise event. US president Franklin D. Roosevelt knew about the risk of a military attack by the Japanese, so he ordered the US Department of State kept it quiet through late 1941.
Coup d'état
1975 - Gough Whitlam - theory that the dismissal of Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam by Governor-General John Kerr in 1975 was brought about by U.S. intelligence operatives unhappy with Whitlam's economic, social and foreign policies.
Assassination
Conspiracy theories sometimes emerge following assassinations of prominent people. The best known is the assassination of John F. Kennedy (1963), which has caused a number of conspiracy theories to develop. Central to this theory is the claim that the injuries received by Kennedy and Governor John Connally could not have been caused by a lone gunman behind the motorcade and to the right. This theory was popularised by the Oliver Stone movie, JFK. Three polls conducted in 2003 suggest that there is widespread disbelief among the U.S. public about the official story of a lone gunman between 68% and 83%.
DTV Transition
Some theorists claim that forced transition to Digital television broadcasting is practical realization of "Big Brother" concept. They claim that miniature cameras and microphones are built into Set-top boxes and newer TV sets to spy on people. Another claim describes use of mind control technology that would be hidden in the digital signal and used to subvert the mind and feelings of the people and for subliminal advertising.
Evil Aliens
A somewhat different version of this theory maintains that humanity is actually under the control of shape-shifting alien reptiles, who require periodic ingestion of human blood to maintain their human appearance. David Icke has been a devoted proponent of this theory. Reportedly the Bush family and the British Royal Family are actually such creatures, and Diana, Princess of Wales was aware of this, presumably relating to her death. David Icke's theory, which encompasses many other conspiracy theories, is that humanity is actually under the reptillians; with evidence ranging from Sumerian tablets describing the "Anunnaki" (which he translates as "those who from heaven to earth came"), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse and water fluoridation. This theory has been the subject of several books.
False Flag Operations
Many 9/11 conspiracy theories have been presented to explain the September 11, 2001 attacks, many of them claiming that individuals in the United States government knew about the attacks beforehand and purposefully allowed them to occur, or orchestrated the attacks themselves, as a pretext for the "War on Terror", wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, increased militarization, expansion of the police state, and other intrusive foreign and domestic policies by which they would benefit. Proponents point to the Project for the New American Century, a conservative think tank that argues for increased American global leadership, whose former members include ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, former Vice President Dick Cheney and several other key Bush administration figures. A 2000 report from the group stated that "some catastrophic and catalyzing event — like a new Pearl Harbor" would be needed as a pretext for carrying out their plans for "United States global hegemony" in the 21st century. The 9/11 Truth Movement is the self-bestowed name of those who seek the purported "truth" about 9/11.
I am off for some more conspiracy theory reading. Keeps me occupied for hours.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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The X Files: The Smoking Man (President)
I couldn’t believe my luck when I read this story about Barack Obama. Fancy having the most powerful man in the world on my side for a change. Alas I am not an American so I really will not have the opportunity to lobby him to bring smoking back to restaurants and bars, but it still gives me optimism that the world has not yet been totally purified and sanitised.The other point that came to mind when I read the article was that I now understood (but only a little) the debate about health care reforms in the US. I must admit, being from Europe, it had not made much sense to me. Until now. Good old Barack is wielding his power for that other minority voting block. Smokers! What a coup for his re-election campaign. I bet the Republicans will be spewing in their soup, as they will now have to play political catch up.
All I need to read now is that Mr Kool (or is he Mr Camel or Mr Marlboro?), drinks beer! But there was no mention about ‘Bud’ in the article. Rather unfortunate, or perhaps it was just an oversight.
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The Farmer In The Glen
Thu, Feb 18 2010 06:00
| global economy, banks, Politics, economy
It’s an unfortunate situation, but as much as the rest of the world would like it to be different, US politics reverberates around the world and affects the lives of people in the most remote of places. As many of my readers are in the US, I’m not sure if this in news to you or not.
However, I think it is a topic worthy of mention. When the US sneezes, the rest of the world catches cold as the saying goes. So, although the issues of health care, abortion and guns are not issues at all on the agendas of any other Western democracies, the ripples from the pond do have an effect. As usual, it is a matter on money and power. As the US goes into a budget deficit too large to even comprehend, and the dollar remains at a record low value, the US in fact prospers. Why, because US goods are cheap on the world market.
When you start to look a bit deeper, you understand that this simplistic view is just that. Simplistic. Late in 2009 I saw a news article only once, before it disappeared from our screens and newspapers. It was just a report about Barack Obama playing a round of golf with the US CEO of UBS! Now, if you don’t know, UBS have been in more trouble than you can imagine through 2008 and 2009. In some quarters blamed for the subprime debacle. Sued by the US government, and losing funds and clients quicker than a newly discovered Ponzi scheme.
But surprise, surprise I read today that UBS has just posted a profit. How is that possible?
Alright, my imagination and cynicism may well be off the mark, but I really wonder about the farmer in deep Appenzell in Switzerland who has proudly banked with UBS, (United Bank of Switzerland) all his working life, feels now about his retirement investment that disappeared into a puff of smoke in 2009.
Luckily, by writing off his life savings, UBS have managed to live and prosper another day. Oh, did I forget about an innocent round of golf?
Derek's Vandal Blog
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However, I think it is a topic worthy of mention. When the US sneezes, the rest of the world catches cold as the saying goes. So, although the issues of health care, abortion and guns are not issues at all on the agendas of any other Western democracies, the ripples from the pond do have an effect. As usual, it is a matter on money and power. As the US goes into a budget deficit too large to even comprehend, and the dollar remains at a record low value, the US in fact prospers. Why, because US goods are cheap on the world market.
When you start to look a bit deeper, you understand that this simplistic view is just that. Simplistic. Late in 2009 I saw a news article only once, before it disappeared from our screens and newspapers. It was just a report about Barack Obama playing a round of golf with the US CEO of UBS! Now, if you don’t know, UBS have been in more trouble than you can imagine through 2008 and 2009. In some quarters blamed for the subprime debacle. Sued by the US government, and losing funds and clients quicker than a newly discovered Ponzi scheme.
But surprise, surprise I read today that UBS has just posted a profit. How is that possible?
Alright, my imagination and cynicism may well be off the mark, but I really wonder about the farmer in deep Appenzell in Switzerland who has proudly banked with UBS, (United Bank of Switzerland) all his working life, feels now about his retirement investment that disappeared into a puff of smoke in 2009.
Luckily, by writing off his life savings, UBS have managed to live and prosper another day. Oh, did I forget about an innocent round of golf?
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Left Or Right?
Sat, Jan 30 2010 06:00
| Socialists, Right, Politics, left
While I avoid writing about political issues, politicians and their followers are a different matter altogether. Of particular interest to me is this definition of right and left in politics. If I tried to line up some of our world’s most well known politicians, and then order them from left to right, it would make for strange bedfellows.
Just to take two as an example. Barack Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy. In the US Obama is on the left, and in France Sarkozy is on the right. However, if they were in the same electorate, Sarkozy would be miles to the left of Obama, or visa versa. Australia has a left Prime minister in Kevin Rudd, while Germany has a right Chancellor in Angela Merkel. But here too, in the same electorate Rudd would be way out to the right of Merkel.
Tony Blair was always hard to label. He was Labour, hence left. But he made George Bush his boosom political buddy. One thing you can say about George Bush though, he was right in any political electorate.
In general it seems to me that what is left in the US, is more like the right in Europe. So that must mean that right in the US must be what is considered ultra right in Europe. And the left in Europe must be seen an loopy left in the US. Then Australian left is equal to German right. Right? I was going to mention Italy here, but after no consideration at all, I won’t.
So what of centrists, far right, socialists, communists and anarchists? Just so I don’t concentrate on only two hand sides. Where do they fit? Is a US socialist, really in the same political sphere as a European liberal?
I recall when I lived in Australia, Bill Clinton visited when Australia had a right wing government led by John Howard. And they got on like a house on fire. Political equals. Strange.
The only conclusion I can draw is that political definitions do not translate across borders. So my liberal, will be someone else’s socialist or far right. My far right may be your left and my ultra right might be your centrist. Too confusing. Why did I even start on this?
I think I should finish here, but with one truth that holds up across all political arenas. All, and I repeat all politicians have an undeniable skill to bend the truth, lie and distort facts. And then call it ‘misspoke’ when caught out.
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Just to take two as an example. Barack Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy. In the US Obama is on the left, and in France Sarkozy is on the right. However, if they were in the same electorate, Sarkozy would be miles to the left of Obama, or visa versa. Australia has a left Prime minister in Kevin Rudd, while Germany has a right Chancellor in Angela Merkel. But here too, in the same electorate Rudd would be way out to the right of Merkel.
Tony Blair was always hard to label. He was Labour, hence left. But he made George Bush his boosom political buddy. One thing you can say about George Bush though, he was right in any political electorate.
In general it seems to me that what is left in the US, is more like the right in Europe. So that must mean that right in the US must be what is considered ultra right in Europe. And the left in Europe must be seen an loopy left in the US. Then Australian left is equal to German right. Right? I was going to mention Italy here, but after no consideration at all, I won’t.
So what of centrists, far right, socialists, communists and anarchists? Just so I don’t concentrate on only two hand sides. Where do they fit? Is a US socialist, really in the same political sphere as a European liberal?
I recall when I lived in Australia, Bill Clinton visited when Australia had a right wing government led by John Howard. And they got on like a house on fire. Political equals. Strange.
The only conclusion I can draw is that political definitions do not translate across borders. So my liberal, will be someone else’s socialist or far right. My far right may be your left and my ultra right might be your centrist. Too confusing. Why did I even start on this?
I think I should finish here, but with one truth that holds up across all political arenas. All, and I repeat all politicians have an undeniable skill to bend the truth, lie and distort facts. And then call it ‘misspoke’ when caught out.
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Comments (4)
Pathetic And So Soon Forgotten
The last eighteen months has seen our global political leaders huffing and puffing, threatening and legislating, posing and promising and then failing miserably. It has been one of the most clear demonstrations of weakness I can ever remember witnessing. Think back to the mind boggling amounts of money they threw at banks, car manufacturers, airlines, insurance giants and Wall St gamblers. Not millions, or billions, but trillions! Unimaginable amounts.
So where are we now? Our pathetic politicians are now running around in circles like headless chickens because these bailed out businesses are now making money again and want to get back to business as normal. That is, paying themselves disgustingly huge bonuses and back door dividends and, really upsetting the politician’s electorates.
What is so obvious to me is that politicians are extremely temporary and thereby very weak, and totally disposable. Think George Bush. Jacques Chirac, Tony Blair. George, Jacques and Tony who? Where the real power lies is in Wall St offices, Swiss banks and multinational conglomerate boardrooms. Places of the faceless.
So what do we do? We blame our politicians. Who else can we blame?
This is because we do not know who it is that is really pulling the strings. It doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that it wasn’t our politicians who had the idea of giving trillions to business. Remember two years ago, the CEO’s of Detroit turning up in Washington to ask (demand) billions? It started there. What a great way to offset a temporarily weak stock market.
Call me cynical, but I just cannot escape the notion that democracy simply gives us the choice of two clowns employed by the same oligarchy. The difference with communism is that the oligarchy just don’t bother with the electoral sideshow. It is business and the holy dollar that runs our world, Not pathetically weak and so soon forgotten politicians.
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So where are we now? Our pathetic politicians are now running around in circles like headless chickens because these bailed out businesses are now making money again and want to get back to business as normal. That is, paying themselves disgustingly huge bonuses and back door dividends and, really upsetting the politician’s electorates.
What is so obvious to me is that politicians are extremely temporary and thereby very weak, and totally disposable. Think George Bush. Jacques Chirac, Tony Blair. George, Jacques and Tony who? Where the real power lies is in Wall St offices, Swiss banks and multinational conglomerate boardrooms. Places of the faceless.
So what do we do? We blame our politicians. Who else can we blame?
This is because we do not know who it is that is really pulling the strings. It doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that it wasn’t our politicians who had the idea of giving trillions to business. Remember two years ago, the CEO’s of Detroit turning up in Washington to ask (demand) billions? It started there. What a great way to offset a temporarily weak stock market.
Call me cynical, but I just cannot escape the notion that democracy simply gives us the choice of two clowns employed by the same oligarchy. The difference with communism is that the oligarchy just don’t bother with the electoral sideshow. It is business and the holy dollar that runs our world, Not pathetically weak and so soon forgotten politicians.
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Benefactorial Dictatorship
The city of Copenhagen 'is a crime scene tonight, with the guilty men and women fleeing to the airport'. So said John Sauven of Greenpeace UK after the climate summit broke up.
Read more here.
With the recent completion of the hypocritical farce that was the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, I think it is time for a political climate change. It seems that anytime we look to our politicians for pressing, if not urgent action on critical issues, they manage to leave us all breathlessly in awe at their incompetence.
Could you imagine if our world was being imminently threatened by asteroid strike, meteor collisions or alien invasion? What would our world leaders be able to cobble together in reaction to such an urgent threat? Probably some sort of phoney fund of billions of dollars to help developing countries fund education programs in alien languages and customs. Or the creation of meteor resistant UN monitored meteor free zones protected by a covering of chicken wire.
Instead of complaining and wringing my hands in sheer frustration, I have decided on a plan to rid ourselves of these elected and non-elected truth challenged and business lobby group handcuffed buffoons we currently call world leaders. Why waste all this time, effort and money on a collection of 192 buffoons, when really one would the job just as badly, or perhaps even a little bit better some might think? At the very least we could arrive at a silly decision much faster.
So in my humble way, I would like to nominate myself unselfishly for a new leadership role in our global society. My new post will be called:
Derek the 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.
Instead of an expensive election, I’ll just organise a cheap Survey Monkey poll giving all humans the opportunity to have a voice before taking over the world.
Option 1: Yes, this is a good idea.
Option 2: Yes, this is a brilliant idea.
Option 3: Yes, WE WANT DEREK NOW.
Option 4: There is no option 4.
I promise not to take over the planet before this poll is completed and all opinions are expressed. Hopefully this should be by next week as I have to brush up on how to use Survey Monkey and collect a few more email addresses.
What will you get from my dictatorship? Oh, so many great things it is hard to list them all here. I could start with free electricity from the sun, wind and tides. Free education supplied by untrained and awfully exploited teachers. Commence immediate peace talks with all aliens. Use the world’s nuclear arsenals to destroy all asteroids, meters and comets within a 10 light year radius of Earth. Ban things that I don’t like. Increase the world’s beer production by 100,000,000% in my first three years in power. Parting the seas and a little miracle work as well if I have time.
Transport all parliament buildings of the world to the moon where they will be used as sheltered workshops in low gravity for all ex-politicians of extremely low gravitas.
I also promise to nominate a fully qualified successor to my throne and will undertake an immediate survey of the remaining gorilla population of the world to find a suitable heir to my throne.
Well, that’s about it then. I look forward to your full support and groveling at my feet in the very near future.
♛ Derek
The 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Derek's Author Page
Read more here.
With the recent completion of the hypocritical farce that was the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, I think it is time for a political climate change. It seems that anytime we look to our politicians for pressing, if not urgent action on critical issues, they manage to leave us all breathlessly in awe at their incompetence.
Could you imagine if our world was being imminently threatened by asteroid strike, meteor collisions or alien invasion? What would our world leaders be able to cobble together in reaction to such an urgent threat? Probably some sort of phoney fund of billions of dollars to help developing countries fund education programs in alien languages and customs. Or the creation of meteor resistant UN monitored meteor free zones protected by a covering of chicken wire.
Instead of complaining and wringing my hands in sheer frustration, I have decided on a plan to rid ourselves of these elected and non-elected truth challenged and business lobby group handcuffed buffoons we currently call world leaders. Why waste all this time, effort and money on a collection of 192 buffoons, when really one would the job just as badly, or perhaps even a little bit better some might think? At the very least we could arrive at a silly decision much faster.
So in my humble way, I would like to nominate myself unselfishly for a new leadership role in our global society. My new post will be called:
Derek the 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.
Instead of an expensive election, I’ll just organise a cheap Survey Monkey poll giving all humans the opportunity to have a voice before taking over the world.
Option 1: Yes, this is a good idea.
Option 2: Yes, this is a brilliant idea.
Option 3: Yes, WE WANT DEREK NOW.
Option 4: There is no option 4.
I promise not to take over the planet before this poll is completed and all opinions are expressed. Hopefully this should be by next week as I have to brush up on how to use Survey Monkey and collect a few more email addresses.
What will you get from my dictatorship? Oh, so many great things it is hard to list them all here. I could start with free electricity from the sun, wind and tides. Free education supplied by untrained and awfully exploited teachers. Commence immediate peace talks with all aliens. Use the world’s nuclear arsenals to destroy all asteroids, meters and comets within a 10 light year radius of Earth. Ban things that I don’t like. Increase the world’s beer production by 100,000,000% in my first three years in power. Parting the seas and a little miracle work as well if I have time.
Transport all parliament buildings of the world to the moon where they will be used as sheltered workshops in low gravity for all ex-politicians of extremely low gravitas.
I also promise to nominate a fully qualified successor to my throne and will undertake an immediate survey of the remaining gorilla population of the world to find a suitable heir to my throne.
Well, that’s about it then. I look forward to your full support and groveling at my feet in the very near future.
♛ Derek
The 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.
Derek's Vandal Blog
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Politics, Democracy, Media and Fear
Sat, Dec 12 2009 11:33
| switzerland, voting, Politics, democracy
It has taken me some long days of consideration before publishing this article, as I have considered both politics and religion as taboo subjects in my own article writing. However, this particular issue has intrigued me, and as I live in Switzerland, I feel I need to express my belief in Swiss democracy.
Some of you may be aware that the Swiss recently voted in favour of banning minarets in Switzerland. If not, check here for the story on Swissinfo. To me though, the story behind the story here is long and very far from Switzerland.
The unfortunate result of the attacks on New York September 2001 has been the total misrepresentation of muslims and in fact a distorted view of the Arab world in general. It would be easy to blame the voting population of Switzerland, but this would be absolving our western politicians and supportive media in portraying Islam and muslims in a dark light now for nearly a decade.
Yes, I know who was responsible for the attacks on the Twin Towers in New York, but rarely in human history have we ever blamed such a huge slice of our world’s population for one singular event. George Bush declared war on terrorism, which was really a veiled declaration against the muslim populations of the world. Western democracies joined his cause, almost without exception.
Right leaning western media have followed this line impeccably. So spectacularly so, that in the last eight years, we have been totally bombarded with daily reports of muslim suicide attacks, muslim insurgencies, muslim guerrilla movements, muslim counter insurgents and in general, muslim activities of an always painted evil nature. Not propaganda.? But definitely one sided, biased and politically motivated stereotyping.
So yes, you could blame the Swiss for being racist, anti muslim and intolerant. But think again. Switzerland has only suffered from its wonderfully free and direct system of democracy. Where any Swiss citizen can initiate a proposition for a referendum. As Koffi Annan once said, “It is the ultimate democracy”. However, this type of true democracy does not have the politically correct safety valves and cop outs of most western democracies. The people of Switzerland are truly allowed a voice. Four times a year they vote on a range of issues. What other democracy in the world allows this truly democratic freedom?
The Swiss have been bombarded with the same politics and media as the rest of the western world since 2001. So is it any wonder that a majority were convinced to support the ban on minarets? If this referendum had been held in any other western country today, what would the result have been? Fear has always been great politics.
Times will change, and I am absolutely convinced that this decision will be overturned in a future vote in Switzerland. I mean, do minarets make any more noise that church steeples and relentless bells? No. But then again this vote was never about minarets, was it?
But I would ask you to consider the quote by Art Spander and re-quoted by Bob Hawke, an Australian Prime Minister. The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
While I do not agree with those Swiss who voted for this ban, I do respect their democratic right to vote freely and as such respect the decision made by the majority of the Swiss voters. I must, because I wholeheartedly support my county’s democratic principles that have made Switzerland the wonderful country that it is.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page
Some of you may be aware that the Swiss recently voted in favour of banning minarets in Switzerland. If not, check here for the story on Swissinfo. To me though, the story behind the story here is long and very far from Switzerland.
The unfortunate result of the attacks on New York September 2001 has been the total misrepresentation of muslims and in fact a distorted view of the Arab world in general. It would be easy to blame the voting population of Switzerland, but this would be absolving our western politicians and supportive media in portraying Islam and muslims in a dark light now for nearly a decade.
Yes, I know who was responsible for the attacks on the Twin Towers in New York, but rarely in human history have we ever blamed such a huge slice of our world’s population for one singular event. George Bush declared war on terrorism, which was really a veiled declaration against the muslim populations of the world. Western democracies joined his cause, almost without exception.
Right leaning western media have followed this line impeccably. So spectacularly so, that in the last eight years, we have been totally bombarded with daily reports of muslim suicide attacks, muslim insurgencies, muslim guerrilla movements, muslim counter insurgents and in general, muslim activities of an always painted evil nature. Not propaganda.? But definitely one sided, biased and politically motivated stereotyping.
So yes, you could blame the Swiss for being racist, anti muslim and intolerant. But think again. Switzerland has only suffered from its wonderfully free and direct system of democracy. Where any Swiss citizen can initiate a proposition for a referendum. As Koffi Annan once said, “It is the ultimate democracy”. However, this type of true democracy does not have the politically correct safety valves and cop outs of most western democracies. The people of Switzerland are truly allowed a voice. Four times a year they vote on a range of issues. What other democracy in the world allows this truly democratic freedom?
The Swiss have been bombarded with the same politics and media as the rest of the western world since 2001. So is it any wonder that a majority were convinced to support the ban on minarets? If this referendum had been held in any other western country today, what would the result have been? Fear has always been great politics.
Times will change, and I am absolutely convinced that this decision will be overturned in a future vote in Switzerland. I mean, do minarets make any more noise that church steeples and relentless bells? No. But then again this vote was never about minarets, was it?
But I would ask you to consider the quote by Art Spander and re-quoted by Bob Hawke, an Australian Prime Minister. The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
While I do not agree with those Swiss who voted for this ban, I do respect their democratic right to vote freely and as such respect the decision made by the majority of the Swiss voters. I must, because I wholeheartedly support my county’s democratic principles that have made Switzerland the wonderful country that it is.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Comments (1)
A Truly Remarkable Woman
My 2.5 regular readers have probably realised that as an ex- Australian male now reincarnated with a Swiss nationality, I possess all the attributes necessary to claim a chauvinistic title. Misogynist, macho, arrogantly male and patriarchal. But then I moved to Switzerland nearly 10 years ago and changed my outlook. I became even more misogynist, macho and arrogantly male. It was such a natural progression in such a patriarchal country.
However, within a year of moving her, a woman named Micheline Calmy-Rey was elected to a seat in the Swiss Federal Council. Her election also made her the Swiss Foreign Minister. Within days, I realised that this woman was truly remarkable. Now, eight years later I realise I was wrong. She was not remarkable, she was uniquely the only woman I have ever known who has achieved the difficult balance of power, respect and femininity. She is what the feminists of the seventies were fighting for, but never realising what form it should take.
Micheline Calmy-Rey is a mother, grandmother, negotiator, pacifier, and ultimate politician. She infects you with a sense of pride in being Swiss and conveys the reality in what is meant by what we call in Switzerland, active neutrality. When she smiles, you fall in love. When she frowns and scowls, you listen and respect. When she reasons, you cannot help but understand. When she argues, it is with passion and true belief.
In my mind, the one quality that separates Micheline Calmy-Rey from other women in the world who hold political office, is that she never tries to be equal or better than her male colleagues and counterparts. She remains herself and doesn’t enter any form of competition. She is who she is. Take it or leave it. Truly beautiful and feminine smiles that would woo any man within 100 miles, counterpointed with a hard and politically savvy mind that can argue the most difficult political position with aplomb and conviction.
I have argued that the feminists of the seventies won the battles but lost the war. Their achievements were in many ways pyrich. But in Micheline Calmy-Rey I see what true feminism means and how she should be a role model for women who aspire to change the political realty and climate.
If every country in the world had a Micheline Calmy-Rey as their foreign minister, we would see a remarkable and rapid move forward towards true peace and two sided respectful understanding.
The other remarkable quality about Micheline Calmy-Rey is that I trust her. This makes her absolutely unique as a politician in my eyes.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Derek's Author Page
However, within a year of moving her, a woman named Micheline Calmy-Rey was elected to a seat in the Swiss Federal Council. Her election also made her the Swiss Foreign Minister. Within days, I realised that this woman was truly remarkable. Now, eight years later I realise I was wrong. She was not remarkable, she was uniquely the only woman I have ever known who has achieved the difficult balance of power, respect and femininity. She is what the feminists of the seventies were fighting for, but never realising what form it should take.
Micheline Calmy-Rey is a mother, grandmother, negotiator, pacifier, and ultimate politician. She infects you with a sense of pride in being Swiss and conveys the reality in what is meant by what we call in Switzerland, active neutrality. When she smiles, you fall in love. When she frowns and scowls, you listen and respect. When she reasons, you cannot help but understand. When she argues, it is with passion and true belief.
In my mind, the one quality that separates Micheline Calmy-Rey from other women in the world who hold political office, is that she never tries to be equal or better than her male colleagues and counterparts. She remains herself and doesn’t enter any form of competition. She is who she is. Take it or leave it. Truly beautiful and feminine smiles that would woo any man within 100 miles, counterpointed with a hard and politically savvy mind that can argue the most difficult political position with aplomb and conviction.
I have argued that the feminists of the seventies won the battles but lost the war. Their achievements were in many ways pyrich. But in Micheline Calmy-Rey I see what true feminism means and how she should be a role model for women who aspire to change the political realty and climate.
If every country in the world had a Micheline Calmy-Rey as their foreign minister, we would see a remarkable and rapid move forward towards true peace and two sided respectful understanding.
The other remarkable quality about Micheline Calmy-Rey is that I trust her. This makes her absolutely unique as a politician in my eyes.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page
Comments (4)
Right, Let’s Blow Up The Moon!
Mon, Nov 16 2009 09:59
| satire, Politics, environment, moon
SAVE THE WORLD: BLOW UP THE MOON! 
It has been nearly fifty years since JFK set a challenge to mankind. And, it has now been forty years since the challenge was fulfilled by Neil Armstrong. Since then, nothing.
Now I am sure you will think that detonating our moon into tiny dust particles sounds a bit radical, but there are some very sound reasons for putting this on our collective political agendas and working together to implement the plan before the next decade is out.
Firstly, we now know that there is plenty of water on the moon courtesy of the LCROSS mission. So, get the timing right and blow up the moon when it’s trajectory crosses central Australia and the Sahara and boom, instant agriculture. Dumping all those buckets of moon water on our vast desert regions. On the way to feeding our ever growing population.
As well as the water, the moon is rich in minerals. We’’ll have dug everything up on Earth soon, so let’s plan for our grand children. Gravity will bring all those mineral rich dust particles down to Earth in no time at all. Our kids and grand kids won’t even have to go down a hole to get the stuff. It will just bee lying around, on everything.
Next. Global warming. Solved in an instant by blowing up the moon. Our thin protective atmosphere will be covered with a heat reflecting dust cloud that will last for thousands, if not millions of years. Just imagine. Our kids could play happily outside without fear of sun burn. In fact they would never see the sun at all.
Did I mention tides? Imagine no tides. That would save a lot of shipping problems. Beaches would stay put for tourists. Mangroves would die ensuring few mosquitoes to carry diseases. No more werewolves. No more lost night’s sleep because of the full moon. No more howling dogs. Stars in the night sky will be much brighter. The list is endless.
NASA could stop wasting money on trying to put a man back on the moon. It’s been done before you silly people! They could set a real challenge for themselves and start designing a real SS Enterprise and start training new Captain Kirks. Get on with finding all those alien life forms out there.
Then there is the side benefit of what to do with all our nuclear weapons. Nobody wants to use them anymore, and there are thousands of nuclear warheads lying around rusting and rotting. So in one economical exercise, we can rid the world of these nukes by putting them to good use. To blow up the moon!
So I put it to you to pressure your leaders. Barack Obama, Dmitry Medvedev, Nicolas Sarkozy, Kim Jong-il, Hu Jintao, Ban Ki-moon, Manmohan Singh, Gordon Brown, Asif Ali Zardari and all other presidents and prime ministers to work together and set the world this breath taking challenge to save our planet for our children.
Permission is granted to forward this article to Al Gore, Greenpeace, Friends of the Earth, and any other environmental activists.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page

It has been nearly fifty years since JFK set a challenge to mankind. And, it has now been forty years since the challenge was fulfilled by Neil Armstrong. Since then, nothing.
Now I am sure you will think that detonating our moon into tiny dust particles sounds a bit radical, but there are some very sound reasons for putting this on our collective political agendas and working together to implement the plan before the next decade is out.
Firstly, we now know that there is plenty of water on the moon courtesy of the LCROSS mission. So, get the timing right and blow up the moon when it’s trajectory crosses central Australia and the Sahara and boom, instant agriculture. Dumping all those buckets of moon water on our vast desert regions. On the way to feeding our ever growing population.
As well as the water, the moon is rich in minerals. We’’ll have dug everything up on Earth soon, so let’s plan for our grand children. Gravity will bring all those mineral rich dust particles down to Earth in no time at all. Our kids and grand kids won’t even have to go down a hole to get the stuff. It will just bee lying around, on everything.
Next. Global warming. Solved in an instant by blowing up the moon. Our thin protective atmosphere will be covered with a heat reflecting dust cloud that will last for thousands, if not millions of years. Just imagine. Our kids could play happily outside without fear of sun burn. In fact they would never see the sun at all.
Did I mention tides? Imagine no tides. That would save a lot of shipping problems. Beaches would stay put for tourists. Mangroves would die ensuring few mosquitoes to carry diseases. No more werewolves. No more lost night’s sleep because of the full moon. No more howling dogs. Stars in the night sky will be much brighter. The list is endless.
NASA could stop wasting money on trying to put a man back on the moon. It’s been done before you silly people! They could set a real challenge for themselves and start designing a real SS Enterprise and start training new Captain Kirks. Get on with finding all those alien life forms out there.
Then there is the side benefit of what to do with all our nuclear weapons. Nobody wants to use them anymore, and there are thousands of nuclear warheads lying around rusting and rotting. So in one economical exercise, we can rid the world of these nukes by putting them to good use. To blow up the moon!
So I put it to you to pressure your leaders. Barack Obama, Dmitry Medvedev, Nicolas Sarkozy, Kim Jong-il, Hu Jintao, Ban Ki-moon, Manmohan Singh, Gordon Brown, Asif Ali Zardari and all other presidents and prime ministers to work together and set the world this breath taking challenge to save our planet for our children.
Permission is granted to forward this article to Al Gore, Greenpeace, Friends of the Earth, and any other environmental activists.
Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page
Comments (2)









